It is with mixed emotions I board my flight today bound for the realm of my birth, right back to where I started from. I’m happy to be a native Californian, but grateful that my heart home is Arizona.
As I relax in my United seat, I can’t help but miss Dennis. Just being here reminds me so much of the thousands of miles we’ve flown together, all over the globe. I miss holding his hand. I miss conjuring our Angel Team and asking for protection during the flight. And what’s a flight without Dennis surreptitiously pulling out his vodka minis? Oh how he made travelling so much fun!
My heart breaks open as I write this and I allow the tears. No holding back. I know each tear is him holding me close. He is still here with me; I feel him in my heart instead of seeing him with my eyes.
As I fly higher and higher, I think about Dennis’ mom. She may be joining Dennis very soon. I pray for her safe passage to The Light and I KNOW Dennis will be there to guide her.
Turning 65, and especially as a widow, is an experience I never expected. I was so excited to reach 64 last year and sing the Beatles song … will you still need me …. and what happens? Our lives COMPLETELY changed less than 2 months later. The next 4 months contained both anguish and joy and we had time to deepen our discussions. Dennis and I worked and played hard for 30 years to set ourselves up for the eventuality of our life. We certainly didn’t ask for death so young, but who is to know? In my fantasy, we would die together, but my man, always practical, warned me many times it may not work out that way. I can still hear him telling me “if I leave first, you will be fine. You are an intelligent woman, you have a strong family and many friends, and you’ll have finances. You’ll be fine”.
Dennis, you were right. But I miss you deeply.
The days move on and I go forward. What choice do I have? I can’t be sad enough, sick enough, or depressed enough to bring him back. And he’d be pissed as hell if I wasted the life I have left.
So Dennis, I promise to be brave enough to be myself and follow my heart. I will live my life as we did together; with laughter and adventure and responsibility to do the right thing for myself and those around me. I will remember that only I can create my life and that not everyone will agree with my choices. I will continue to choose to be a positive force for good and encourage others by example. You certainly lived your life that way and I will follow your lead.
So off I go on my 65th birthday trip, on my own. I would much rather be holding your hand and cuddling with you, Dennis. But I will honor your memory and live my life as a legacy to you.
The abundance of 30 years with you is all the birthday gift I need. You will continue to be with me, Dennis, and know that I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
Freebirds Frolic 
Beautiful!
I love you 😘💕
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And I love you, Gorgeous
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you are very brave . I know from my sisters’s experience from 18 months ago of losing her husband too
try to enjoy inspite of the loneliness. love to you Bob & Lisa Fridrich
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💜💜💜
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Happy Birthday week, Diana. What a beautifully written birthday adventure first. We are all with you in spirit as you celebrate this milestone. Dennis is for sure, raising a toast and doing a happy dance for you. We love you!
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And I love you!
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Oh dear Diana. Your heartfelt tribute brought tears to my eyes. Like you, Dick is with me always. The first year for me was sort of a blur but also the beginning of the journey of finding who I am without him. That is an ongoing process. But I’ve learned things about myself—good and bad—how to set boundaries with well-intended friends—and, yes, how to go on without my perfect man. Enjoy yourself. And when you find yourself grieving, remember this quote: Why shouldn’t my grief be all-consuming when my love was so fierce. Or something like that. Be good to yourself.
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God bless you Diana, fly high and enjoy your life that is what Dennis would want for you. much love Pete&Lynda
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Hi, Diana. Thank you for sharing your feelings and your story. It was so beautiful. Yes, you are an intelligent. You are so brave. You are really strong. Uncle Dennis is always with you. We love you , Diana ! Have a safe trip and enjoy.
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Beautifully said Auntie D!! Hugs to you on your adventure!
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And now you prepare for YOUR adventure! Love you!
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I think you story is lovely. I cried along with you but I love the grace you send out in your words. You both always had amazing stories. You could make a fun story out of just having a colonoscopy. I am sorry he is not there for your birthday, but as you said, he would be proud of the celebration. I wish I was a better communicator, but, I am not so I really enjoy when you write. Happy Birthday and as always, cheers.
ja.cheatham@verizon.net
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I love you, Arlene. We will always be friends with or without words together.
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I see your beautiful soul, “Grieving Bravely”, and Dennis is proud. He absolutely would not have liked you spent the rest of your life marinating in sorrow. (I swore I could hear those little vodka bottles clanking together as I read this…can you hear them too?) Keep in mind that 6+5=11, a sacred number for this year to come, and I think this will be an interesting and eventful trip. Welcome home (to CA).
From: The CA girl born within a few days and miles from you!
xo
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Thank you fellow native Californian!
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You’re a beautiful soul and your heart will go on. I could feel your pain and raw emotion and I take it all, transform it and give it back to you in love 💜
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So sweet. I am blessed to have you in my life.
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I could feel your raw emotion…Dennis was right…you are a brave, intelligent, beautiful woman! As much a I felt the sadness in your words, I also felt strength.
LOVE
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It was amazing when this blog just flowed out of me while I sat on the plane. I was on a small plane and I was in the front row. The ONLY person in 4 across. Dennis must have reserved it just for me!
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Hey Diana,
It has taken me all day to get through your beautifully touching blog. You know me…
I hope Dennis knew the indelible mark he left on all of us. And boy did he ever!! I know he’s right there holding your hand with every step, as you make your way through this new journey without him physically by your side. He must be beaming with pride watching the courage, strength and tenacity you’ve summoned within yourself to live in the moment and just carry on. You are truly amazing my dear friend and I could not love you more! Enjoy CA as only you can. Hugs from me to you…
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Thank you sweet friend. 💜💜💜
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Very moving. Dennis, always the planner, always taking charge. Luckily, he loved you enough not to burden you with a mess upon his leaving this terra firma. None of us gets a hall pass. Chronic illness prepares you for this; a sudden sword in one’s vitality far more shocking. People always told me “oh, you’re so strong, so brave” but really, what choice does one have? You deal with the cards dealt, live with the hand played. You put one foot in front of the other and muscle on. Muscle on brave girl! Dennis is still the wind beneath your wings.
MAW
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Thank you friend. I am so grateful that Dennis and I were 50 50 partners. Our favorite movie was Pretty Woman because yes, he did rescue me. And I rescued him right back.
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You are so strong, so loving, and so capable. You will move forward with grace, light, and love. And always with Big Hands in your heart. I am so grateful to have been blessed to be in both of your worlds for so long. I love you today and every tomorrow.
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I love you today and every tomorrow. You are so strong, so loving, and so capable. You will move forward with grace, light, and love. And always with Big Hands in your heart. I am so grateful to have been blessed to be in both of your worlds for so long.
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I love you.
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I have not answered this because it is so touching and I want to be sure and find the right words.
Give me a little time.
It really is beautiful, Diana. Just beautiful.
Enjoy your trip –
I love you –
K
Sent from Mail for Windows 10
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No worries, Kathy. Sometimes a reply just isn’t necessary. I love you
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